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2/99 - Millennium
Everyone says we're on the brink of a millennium, but here's something to think about. There never was a year called zero. The first millennium didn't begin with the year zero; it began with the year one. And, since "millennium" means a thousand years, it didn't end with the year 999; it ended with the year 1,000. That means the second millennium began with the year 1001, and will end with the year 2000. And that means the third millennium won't really begin until the year 2001. Ah well, it's tough to be a lone voice crying in the wilderness.
3/99 - More importantly
I said "More important;" not "More importantly." That's because it's grammatically incorrect to begin a sentence with "More importantly," even though absolutely everybody's doing it. "Importantly" is an adverb, and adverbs modify verbs, adjectives, or other adverbs. But when people say "more importantly" they are not modifying any verb, adjective or other adverb. Some people attempt to justify "more importantly" by saying it's an elliptical form -- a phrase that leaves out words that the hearer knows are there. For example, I sometimes say, "Best of all, these tapes are approved for MCLE credit. What I mean is "The best feature of all is that these tapes are etc." That would work for "more important," because the hearer understands that the speaker means, "Even more important than that ... ." But it doesn't work for "more importantly," because you'd never say "More importantly than that," since you aren't modifying a verb or an adverb.
4/99 - Unique
You and I are involved in a unique field of knowledge. Notice I didn't say "very unique," or "extremely unique," the way everybody else does these days. That's because "unique" means "one of a kind," so it cannot be modified by other adjectives or adverbs. Try "very one of a kind," or "extremely one of a kind," and you'll see what I mean.
5/99 - Basically
This month I'm taking on the word "basically." Everybody says it all the time. "Basically this..." and "basically that...," but usually it doesn't mean a damn thing. It's trite and it rarely contributes anything to a statement. It might as well be a cough. Why not suppress it?
6/99 - Myself
This month, in my continuing campaign to repair our broken English, I'm taking on the word "myself." It seems to be fashionable these days to use it instead of "I" or "me," as in "Mary and myself represent the client," or "The client retained John and myself to represent him." But look, if the speaker is the one doing something, it is correct to say "I." "Mary and I represent the client." And if the speaker is the one to whom something is being done, it's correct to say "me." "The client retained John and me." The only time it's correct to say "myself" is when the speaker is the one doing it and the one to whom it's being done, like "I represent myself." Let's stop sacrificing good grammar for the sake of verbal fashion.
7/99 - Simplicity
This month, I'm going to make a pitch for verbal simplicity. Why say "utilize" when you mean "use?" Why say "at this particular point in time" when you mean "now?" Why say "in order to" when most of the time just plain "to" would do the job? Why say "for the purpose of" when usually all it means is "for?" I catch myself doing it sometimes, but I'm working hard to stop. So how about taking a look at your own choice of words and see what superfluities you can eliminate.
8/99 - Close, but no cigar
This month, I'm going to suggest that you get a good dictionary and use it whenever you have the slightest doubt. For example, a dictionary will tell you that "ultimate" doesn't mean really mean "best;" it means "last." And "penultimate" doesn't mean super fantastic, it means "next to last." How about this one: "fundament" doesn't mean something basic or fundamental, it means your ass. So don't make a fundament of yourself. Look it up.
9/99 - Quotation marks
This month, in my continuing campaign to repair our broken English, I'm going to mention quotation marks. They aren't for emphasizing words or for suggesting that you're using them in some special way. The only time you should use them is when you're quoting someone, and then you've got to say who you're quoting. If your client took someone else's car without permission, don't say he borrowed it and then put "borrowed" in quotation marks as a hint that you don't really mean borrowed. That isn't what quotation marks are for. They're for quotes!
10/99 - Its / It's
This month, I'd like to talk about the word "its." We use it in two different ways -- as a contraction for "it is," like "It's raining outside;" and as a possessive pronoun meaning "belonging to it," like "The dog wagged its tail." If you're using it as a contraction for "it is," you're leaving out a letter (the "I" in "is") and you should replace that letter with an apostrophe. But if you're using it as a possessive pronoun, you don't use an apostrophe. You can remember that this way: if the dog is a male, you'd say, "He wagged his tail," and you would not put an apostrophe in "his." If you don't know the dog's gender, you say "its" instead of "his," and you still don't use an apostrophe. Simple, I know, but one of the commonest errors people make in written English.
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