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11/99 - Is is
This month, in my continuing campaign to repair our broken English, I want to mention a cutesy trend that I find particularly irritating. I don't know how it started, but everybody seems to be doing it. What I'm talking about is, is that they repeat the word "is" the way I just did. It's just plain silly to say "What happened is is that he went crazy," when what you mean is "What happened is that he went crazy." So let's not do it, OK. It's repetitious. And redundant, too.
12/99 - Literally
This month, I'm taking on the word "literally." Similes and metaphors are figures of speech that make communication more vivid and interesting by creating images. So if I want you to know how bad my headache is, I might say, "The pain is like an explosion in my head." That's a simile, because I used the word "like" to make a comparison. Or, I might just say, "My head is exploding." That's a metaphor, because it does not use any special word to say that it's a comparison, but relies on the listener's good sense to recognize that. But the word "literally" means that I'm not using a simile or metaphor. I'm speaking the actual, or literal, truth. So if I say "My head is literally exploding," that would mean that there really is some kind of bomb between my ears, and it just went off, and bits of my brain are splashing all over the room. People seem to be using it as a form of emphasis these days, but that's just not correct. "Literally" means actually. Don't use it unless you're telling the truth.
1/00 - Have got
This month, in my continuing campaign to repair our broken English, I want to take on the expression "have got." And I want to thank Judge Harlan Veal for suggesting I do so. I cringe a little every time I hear that commercial that says, "You've got mail." The word "get" has many meanings. Among them is "to receive," as in "to get mail." But the past tense is "got," not "have got." And the past perfect tense is not "have got," either; it's "have gotten." To say "You've got mail" is like saying "You've rode a horse," or "You've saw a sunset." OK for cowboys, but not for literate folks like us, who should say "You got mail," or "You've gotten mail," or simply, "You have mail."
2/00 - Between us
This month, I want to point out that it's never correct to say, "Between you and I," just as you would never say, "Between we." But it certainly is a common mistake. "Between" is a preposition, so the pronoun to which it refers must be in the objective form. Just between us, that is, just between you and me, I'm going to talk a little more about that on a later tape.
3/00 - Care less
This month, in my continuing campaign to repair our broken English, I want to take issue with an illogical statement that I hear people making all the time. When they want to say that they don't care about something, they say, "I could care less." Of course, what that really means is that they do care. If you really want to say you don't care, say "I could not care less." That means that you care as little as is humanly possible.
4/00 - Lie and lay
This month, I want to point out the difference between the verbs "lie" and "lay." A verb is a word that describes action. Most verbs are accompanied by an object, which says on whom or what the action was performed. In "I buy the book," the verb is "buy" and "the book" is its object. But some verbs can only be used without an object. "I stand," "You run," "She sits," are examples. "Lie" is one of those verbs. "Lay," on the other hand, always takes an object. So it is correct to say, "I lie down," not "I lay down." On the other hand, it is correct to say "I lay the pencil down," not "I lie the pencil down," or "Now I lay me down to sleep, rather than "Now I lay down to sleep." Just to confuse things a bit, "lay" also happens to be the past tense of "lie." So if I am doing it now, I'd say, "I lie down," but if I did it yesterday, I'd say, "Yesterday, I lay down." No wonder so many people get it wrong.
5/00 - Confusing pairs
This month, in my continuing campaign to repair our broken English, I want to take on two frequently confused pairs of words. And I want to thank Justice William Rylaarsdam for suggesting them. First, "principle" and "principal." If it ends in "p-l-e," it means a fundamental rule or law or philosophy. If it ends in "p-a-l" it means first, or money invested, or one who employs an agent. The other pair is "affect" and "effect." "Affect" is a verb; it describes an action. "Effect" is usually a noun, which describes the result of an action. So if you affect me in some way, you have had an effect on me. Lawyers have one special exception, though, because we use "effect" as a verb when we're talking about serving process on someone. We effect service, which usually affects the mental state of the person served, sometimes having a devastating effect on him.
6/00 - Mispronunciations
On each tape, I spend about one minute trying to repair our broken English. Now, I know that leaves me open to attack, because I make plenty of mistakes myself. But at least for that minute, we can all concentrate on trying to recognize and eliminate them. That said, this month, dis guy from da Bronx wants a talk about pronunciation. I know you wouldn't say "liberry;" so how come you say "Feb-you-erry?" We all know there's an "r" in there. Well, I'll tell you what. So many people have been saying Feb-you-erry for so long, that Webster's now recognizes it as an accepted pronunciation. But please, watch out for these: it isn't nucular, it's nuclear. And don't say perpetuated, when you mean perpetrated. And finally don't fall into the trendy trap of saying intregal, when we all know it's integral. Look at the spelling to see where that "r" belongs.
7/00 - Shall, May
This month, in my continuing effort to repair our broken English, I want to spend a minute on the words "shall" and "may." They have specific meanings, but lawyers mix them up so often that courts are often hard pressed to figure out what they mean in a particular context. The difference is really quite simple. "Shall" requires; "may" authorizes. In other words, "shall" refers to something that must be done. It speaks of a duty; an obligation. On the other hand, "may" refers to something that can be done, but is not required. To say that the court shall vacate a default means that there is no discretion to do otherwise. To say that the court may vacate a default means that the court is authorized to exercise its own judgment in deciding whether to do so. Be careful when you use either of those words in drafting documents, or you might wish you had been.
8/00 - I, me, and us
This month, in my continuing campaign to repair our broken English, I want to address the difference between the pronouns "I" and "me." It's amazing how many people make mistakes about this. Nobody would ever say, "He gave the book to I," or "She invited I for dinner." But for some reason, when there is another person involved, they say, "He gave the book to my wife and I," or "She invited my husband and I to dinner." These are wrong because "I" is a subject pronoun and "me" is an object pronoun. But if you don't like that explanation, just think of the sentence without the other person. If you wouldn't say "He took a picture of I," then don't say "He took a picture of my partner and I." If you were alone, you'd say, "He took a picture of me." So if your partner was in it, say, "He took a picture of my partner and me." Sometimes, it helps to think in terms of "we" and "us." Use "I" when "we" would be appropriate, and use "me" when "us" would be appropriate. You wouldn't say, "Between we," you'd say "Between us." So don't say "Between you and I;" say "Between you and me."
9/00 - Who, whom
This month, in my continuing campaign to repair our broken English, I want to talk about the difference between "who" and "whom." It's really quite simple. When you say "who" or "whom" you don't know the identity of the person you're talking about. But assume that it's a male. If you would refer to that assumed person as "he," then say "who." If you would say "him," then say "whom." He / Who; Him / Whom. If you'd say, "He is calling," you can say, "Who is calling?." If you'd say "I gave it to him," you can say "I gave it to whom?" or even more correctly, "To whom did I give it?"
10/00 - Assumptions and presumptions
This month, I want to talk about two words of which lawyers make a lot of use, and, I'm afraid, a lot of misuse. They are "assume" and "presume." To assume or to presume is to accept something as true, arbitrarily and without reason. We may do it sometimes for the purpose of argument, but that's about the only time we should assume or presume. For example, we might say, "Assuming the city was negligent, it may still be protected by immunity." We sometimes call that "assuming arguendo." On the other hand, an inference or a conclusion is something we believe as the result of a reasoning process. So, if there is a reason for what we accept as true, it is not an assumption, but an inference or a conclusion. If I were to say, "It is raining, so I assume, or I presume, the streets are wet," I'd be misusing those terms. I'm not assuming or presuming anything. I'm applying a reasoning process to infer or conclude. It would be correct to say, "It is raining so I conclude, or I infer, that the streets are wet." Let's not say "assume" or "presume," when we mean "infer" or "conclude."
11/00 - Trendy mispronunciations
This month, in my continuing campaign to repair our broken English, I'm taking on trendy mispronunciations. When I was growing up, there was a kid in my neighborhood who couldn't make the "g" sound, so he substituted "d." He'd say, "I'm not donna do it," and stuff like that. I don't know how it happened, but the rest of us got the idea that it sounded cool, and pretty soon we were all doing it. Then one day my father heard me and asked why I was deliberately mispronouncing words. When I told him everybody was doing it, he said, "That's not a good enough reason. You're an educated person. You're in the third grade. Why would you want to sound like an uneducated first grader?" That cured me. But even as adults, we seem to have a tendency to adopt mispronunciations, just because they have become trendy. For example, these days lots of people are saying "eck cetera," when they know damn well it's "et cetera." And here's one that absolutely kills me. I've been hearing it more than ever since the Olympics. There are a couple of "h"es in the word "height" -- one at the beginning, and one after the "g." But there's no "h" after the "t." So why would anybody say "hithe?" Similarly, there's no "t" at the end of "across," and there's no "s" at the end of "anyway." But I hear people all the time saying "acrost" and "anyways." People who should know better! Hey, we're lawyers. We're highly educated people. Why would we want to sound like the rest of the crowd? Let's avoid those trendy mispronunciations.
12/00 - Apostrophe
This month, in my continuing campaign to repair our broken English, I want to talk about apostrophes. For the most part, they should only be used for two purposes: to indicate possession, and to replace letters that have been left out of contractions or shortened forms of words. Most of the time, if a word is singular, the possessive is created by adding an apostrophe followed by an "s." If the word is plural and already ends in "s," the possessive is created just by adding an apostrophe. Apostrophes are not used to create plurals. But lately I've seen people trying to create plurals by adding apostrophe "s." Like if they are describing 3 peaches in a bowl, they'll write peach apostrophe s, or for five houses on a block, they'll write house apostrophe s. This may be the result of a typing habit, but it's wrong, and nothing can make it right. So please watch out for it. On the other hand, it might be correct to describe photos as photo apostrophe s, because photo is a contraction of the word photograph, and the apostrophe may be used to replace the missing letters.
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